Creative Rebellion Essays: Centeredness and Flow

Centering in the Santa Monica Mountains. Photo by JC Caldwell

Throughout the day I ask myself, What state of mind am I in? Usually, I find that I’m in a state of mild anxiety, distraction, and supposed multitasking. If that’s the case, then I remind myself that I should be either in a state of centeredness or a state of flow. Easier said than done, of course, 

I spent the weekend recording my narration for the audiobook version of The Art of Creative Rebellion. Well, I spent around 10 hours in total getting the first two-thirds of the book recorded. It was a humbling process. We clearly underestimated the amount of time it would take. I’ve never liked hearing my recorded voice (I’m pretty sure this is a common issue) but I felt that it would be odd and inauthentic to have a professional voice actor read the book, as the stories were my personal stories; anecdotes of failure, heartbreak, and dogged perseverance. 

I found myself sweating as I stood in front of the mic, in the darkened studio, reading off of an iPad. The studio engineer, Paul Mercier, at Soundbox  LA, was very kind and patient and taught me how to find the right moments to take a breath as I moved from sentence to sentence – damn, some of the sentences went on forever. 

“You’d think the author would have read it out loud as he was writing it, wouldn’t you?” Paul joked. Note taken.

Even though I’d written them, the words were strangely familiar and yet distant, as if written by another version of me, one who was perhaps wiser. It was a very meta sensation, almost like finding oneself in a Haruki Murakami novel. 

Interestingly enough I’ve found that the book has had its own energy and challenged me on my own beliefs. A good friend of mine, Michael Margolis, author of Story 10X: Turn the Impossible into the Inevitable, told me that when he published his book in October, life suddenly challenged him on the precepts he espoused. And now, I find myself in similar terrain. Chapter 12 in my book is entitled: “Discomfort” and in it, I write:

“Being in the now is both uncomfortable and invigorating. It allows you to be alone with yourself and thoughts. Notice I didn’t say your thoughts, but thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts— they come and go. The mind is insane: it wanders and thinks about things that are completely neurotic most of the time. Let the thoughts come and go and eventually the mind will settle, like stirred up dirt in a glass of water—the sediment will gather at the base and the water will turn clear. All the food and gossip and drugs are turbulence that arises in the mind, that stirs up the mind to distract it from just being, will fall away. Learning to get beyond distraction is one of the purposes of meditation. 

Now, being somewhat uncomfortable is different from resistance. Resistance is pain; like grinding gears, it generally means that you are pushing the wrong way. For me, being somewhat uncomfortable means I am exploring the boundaries of what I think I can and cannot do. There is a flow state involved, as you play and dance with the novelty of learning. Resistance is like banging your head against a wall; and even if you make it through the wall, you have forced into existence something that probably could have been born just by walking around the wall.

When you are embarking on something new, expect an initial state of discomfort. Realize that it’s just a temporary state that will pass.”

And here I was, reading these words, and having to move from a state of grinding my way through it and, taking my own advice, I became aware of my breath, starting counting them, and then found my center. I found that standing, rather than sitting, in front of the microphone worked for me – I could adopt a slightly bent-knee stance and bring focus down to my tanden, the area just below my belly button. (This was a technique I learned during my time training in aikido). 

I also took the book’s advice and dropped my ego, allowing the words to take me where they wanted to go and allowing my voice to be what it is. Again, very meta, as these are words written by me but I had to approach them like they were someone else’s writing. 

After an hour, I finally found my state of flow. And I learned that reading through a paragraph is never a smooth process. There’s starts and stops, vocal tics and coughs and small burps. It’s more of a lurching forward process than a smooth read-through with multiple re-takes on a line or looking up the correct pronunciation of a word that worked on paper but then there was some debate on how to say it. For example, how to pronounce “primer.” Yeah, exactly.

Saturday went by in a blur and then my wife joined me on Sunday afternoon, taking photos and coaching me as always. I felt better having her with me. She’s my staunchest champion and critic – a first draft essay I wrote about a month ago solicited the feedback from her, “It makes me want to slit my wrists.” I took her feedback the best way possible and dumped it. 

At the end of the session, Paul (the engineer) did a page estimate and we calculated that it would take at least three more hours to finish up the book. And then there will be the pick-up recordings in order to refine certain sentences. I was disappointed as I wanted to finish the whole thing over the weekend, before the holiday season, but it was yet another lesson in flowing with what is rather than trying to force into existence what should be. Or rather, what I’d like for things to be. And I’m learning a lot.

And as I closed the book for the moment, I took a look at what was next in line for recording. It was this quote:

“Honor the present. It’s all you really have.” 

John

What I’m listening to:

All Saints: Collected Instrumentals 1977-1999 – A collection of David Bowie’s instrumental tracks. Brilliant background music for writing. Or anything.

Everyday Life  – Coldplay’s latest release. Very experimental for the band. 

Hyperspace – Beck’s album has finally dropped and it’s amazing. 

Please visit my website to sign up for my blog/newsletter as well as downloading the first chapter from my upcoming book, The Art of Creative Rebellion. 

If you like what you are reading, please pre-order The Art of Creative Rebellion.